R U An Inadvertent Cyber Bully?

Have you ever left an app with instant message abilities open on a different tab or even different window? Then you might have been a cyber bully perpetrator and didn't even know it!

© Andres Rodriguez | Dreamstime.com

This is common practice for many of us to have multiple tabs open online at the same time. Some of those tabs are open to social media sites like Facebook that have IM features to it. No big deal?

Well, probably not, unless you have any early adolescents as part of your IM contacts.

Cyber bullying is most prevalent among younger teens. More than half of teens who have experienced cyber bullying in the past several months are most likely to report that the form of bullying was by being ignored online.

That's right...being ignored.

This can happen intentionally, but it can also happen accidentally. Early adolescents tend to be concrete thinkers, they take the world at face value - everything is what it appears to be. Mr. Bean is a caricature of this. If they want to IM with you and your online icon is lit up, then subconsciously to an early adolescent you are available.

But if you are not? The lack of response is unnerving to a young person.

However, there is hope!

If you have a habit have using multiple tabs, make sure your message alerts are activated. If you are going to be away from your computer for a while, take the time to log off any IM enabled sites. Finally, teach younger teens and pre-teens to understand that a lit icon does not necessarily mean another person is there. They can understand this, they just need prompting. Also, teach them to be aware of how their icons may appear to their friends. This learned behavior can vastly reduce the number of perceived cyber bullying incidences.

How have you seen misunderstandings happen online because people were not physically sharing the same space?

Is Mr. Bean Really That Funny?

The presence of Mr. Bean was one of a several entertaining highlights in last week's Olympic opening ceremonies. There are those who find him painfully funny and other's who simply dismiss him as British humor. Regardless, Mr. Bean is one of the few characters that is embraced across a wide range of cultures. Why?

Rowan Atkinson has described this character as a 10 year old boy trapped in a grown man's body. 10 year old boys intuitively accept the world at face value. On top of that, this particular 'trapped' boy appears to be fairly introverted and has an aversion to using verbal skills. An adult encountering the world as a 10 year old boy creates a sense of awkwardness that is rather humorous, if not painfully so. This childhood experience is shared across many cultures, even if adulthood has slammed it out of us. This is a life stage experience we tend to forget.

For my friends who either work with pre-teens or find opportunities to engage them online, Mr Bean is worth a second look. There are some adults who expect pre-teens to act like grown ups online and get frustrated when they don't. But the reality is that they can't - they are not adults! If you need a reminder of what the world looks to a 10 year old boy, watch some Mr. Bean sketches - he paints a great caricature of life as a boy in a world that expects more from him!

What's your favorite Mr. Bean moment? Do you see him as a 10 year old?

Using Social Media To Connect Extended Family

© Swaminathan Narayanan | Dreamstime.com

Social media is a great tool to connect extended family with each other, especially considering the distances that often separate grandparents from grandchildren and cousins from each other and their aunts and uncles. The good news is that many teens think social media helps them stay in contact with extended family too. 


For extended families that travel together, one idea is to setup a family event page. Because the anticipation of the trip can be as much fun as the trip itself, a page like this will gain momentum quickly. Encourage those going on the trip to offer lodging, meal and activity ideas. Large groups tend to go back to the same place as they have been previously, so post some old pictures of past trips and links to new experiences. Tap into the cleverness of that crazy uncle who knows all the weird trivia to create games or contests, and then award winners at family gatherings. Use it during the trip as a place to post gathering times, locations and contact information, and encourage teens especially to post videos and pictures capturing family memories. 


Every family has their story, creating a place to gather memories and anticipate new ones will build connections both across and between generations.


How is your family using social media to keep connected with those you don't see regularly?

New California Law Includes Cyber Bully Preparedness with Earthquake Preparedness Plans

Two new cyber bullying laws go into effect this July in California, designed to curtail bullying behavior by expanding the definition to include cyber activities and mandate educator cyber bullying safety preparedness plan.

Highlights of the two new laws:

-they require educators to act and get involved, when safe to do so
-they require a plan of action, with a reasonable timeline
-there is opportunity for appeal
-victims will get priority in changing schools if need be
-training for educators, students and parents in identifying cyber bullying

© Onion | Dreamstime.com

-they equate emotional care of all students with physical care, such as earthquake safety preparedness
-perpetrators can be removed from school if the targeted student: feels they are personally threatened, there is an effect on their emotional/mental health, or if it interferes with their academics.

It is good that politicians treat this issue very seriously, they want to reduce bullying, and statistically there has been little change in the past few years that would suggest anyone is making an real headway. The solution here is to broaden the term, require educator intercession and expand awareness programs. The problem is that the California Legislature continues to do what they are good at: looking like they are acting when really they are just making it someone else's problem.

Among those who serve youth there is a real desire to help, and many are actively looking for solutions - they do not need to be legally required to do so. Most schools are doing online monitoring fairly well. Computers are set in public spaces, awareness programs are often in place and teachers are fairly aware of changes in a student's behavior that may indicate pain. However, students are very adept at using technology to their own ends, and are not afraid to do so. Consequently, which type of social media is used, and how it is implemented is more driven by the social group. Ultimately though, cyber bullying requires Internet or texting access. Much of the cyber bullying that occurs on school property is done through the use of text and data plan cell phones, decidedly not provided by the schools.  In the end parents equip students with the tools needed to participate in cyber bullying on school property, leaving educators with little resource to either turn the tide of cyber bullying or meet the legislative expectations laid upon them.

Don't Step In the Cow Poo!

My parent's were in town this weekend and re-shared a story of a time when my son was about 3 years old and staying with my parents on their cattle ranch. Walking across the cow pasture, Grandma helped avoid the numerous cow pies with a simple warning to watch out for the cow poo. As they zig-zagged across the field, they came to the winter feeding area, one end of which had a rather large mound of cow manure that the tractors had pushed out of the feeding area to clear the ground. What was a fairly disgusting hill to most adults became a Mt. Everest that needed to be conquered in a child's mind. With surprising speed and determination, grandson tore off to climb manure mountain, leaving grandma in the dust with little to stop the horrifying collision of child and poo but a shouting appeal to STOP, DON'T CLIMB THAT HILL!

© Serghei Starus | Dreamstime.com

Whether it was the shrill in grandma's voice, fear of the unknown or the action of an obedient child, forturnately for grandma, her grandson stopped short of becoming a brown ball of muck. Of course, bewildered, he turned to grandma to ask why not, to which the instructive reply came that the hill was in fact a really large pile of cow poo. Confused, my son turned back to the hill of manure, studying it for a moment before asking a simple question of childhood wonder:

"Was that a big cow?"

Experience is a great thing. From experience we gain wisdom, we develop an ability for insight, and we use it to frame an intuitive understanding of what we are experiencing in this world. In fact, everything we experience for the first time is filtered through a mental filter of past experiences that help us form an understanding, or perspective really, of our new reality. This tool of interpretation happens instinctively, we are not overtly aware that we utilize it. Consequently, it is easy to expect others to have the same intuitive sense that we have. It is easy to get frustrated with people who don't seem to get it.

Social media as an expression of human community is fraught with intuitive misunderstandings. The reality is that early and middle age teens do not necessarily have the life experience (and at times the cognitive ability) to interpret the social messages they are experiencing or understand the rippling social consequences of their own postings. Even though it may feel that teens want their space, it is important for adults to be very aware of their kid's social footprint, being available to guide young people away from the piles of poo that are often present on social media postings.

The best way to accomplish this is to walk these social fields together, being ever available both online and off to provide an additional perspective of the manure mountains.

Blessings on the journey!

Brad

Why You Don't Want A "Social Media Voice" In Youth Ministry

© Amritanshu Singh | Dreamstime.com

Looking through an upcoming conference website I noticed a break out session focusing on social media. Of course, this gets my interest as I pretty much always take the time to read such descriptions. Most of these make me angry and this one was no exception.

The thrust of the breakout is that social media exists because the cry of the human heart is for community and this cry fuels further social technological advances. The description sets up a sort of snapshot take of social media, a mere and incomplete reflection of real relationships. The story is the same as many of these types of sessions: we as a society do not get the community that we crave and so we have set up these complicated computer mediated networks that simultaneously attempt to connect us yet safely keep us at arms length with each other. The answer is to simplify our lives, yet not abandon social media completely because there is a need for a Christian voice in this medium.

Let us not abandon these poor digital souls who do not know any better but to engage in empty relationships. Let us take pity on them and tell them instead there is a better way. Let us be a voice to the lost, let us draw them to our blogs so that we can be encouraged by our stats and the multitudes will know the truth and be informed that what they really want is a non-virtual relationship.

Yes...that paragraph is dripping with sarcasm.

The problem is that we are so conditioned by entertainment we use this as a background to interpret what is happening on social networks. By doing so, we limit the impact of social media to how many followers we have, and measure significance by audience. Consequently we completely miss the ministry point, and conference organizers continue to throw away precious Kingdom resources because we do not understand why our young people's smart phones are an extension of their arms.

Social media does not exist because people deeply desire community, social media exists as an expression of community. It is a place where people tell those they have a relationship with what is going on in their lives.

The primary motivation to joining a specific social networking site is friends. The biggest technological change efforts in the social media landscape is not how to build the largest audience, but how to segment your friends into relational circles, so that you can interact with only the group you intend to. Bringing a voice to this is like yelling in a digital wilderness. Additionally, teens are bombarded with so much data they cannot possibly take it all in. We do not win by merely contributing a voice to that onslaught of data. We win by being a part of a teen's offline network so that our online interactions are an extension and reflection of our existing offline relationship.

We win by listening to what people have to say.

Which leads me to wonder, how do you decide which voices to help navigate the social media wilderness do you listen to and why? How do you evaluate them?

Hyper-Texting As A Barometer Of Teenage Pain

The American Public Health Association defines hyper-texting as sending more than 120 texts on a typical school day and characterizes these individuals as being primarily lower social-economic, minority females with no father residing at home. The APHA study reports that one in five high school students fall into this category and the risk factors for this group include:

• 40% more likely to have tried cigarettes
• 2x more likely to have tried alcohol
• 43% more likely to be binge drinkers
• 41% more likely to have used illicit drugs
• 55% more likely to have been in a physical fight
• nearly 3.5x more likely to have had sex



INDUSTRIAL BAROMETER
© Christian Draghici | Dreamstime.com




• 90% more likely to have had 4 or more sexual partners

The study then identifies hyper-texting as a new health risk factor.

Clearly there is a positive correlation between hyper-texting and risky behaviors. However, it seems premature to implicate texting as the culprit and not a symptom. Could it be that hyper-texting is more of a barometer of the ongoing abandonment of our youth?  In this case, a key piece of information seems to be overlooked, namely the lack of fathers in the home. 

To me, texting is a way that teens can bring their friendship cluster along with them despite the limitations of space and time. A cluster is a group of friends protecting each other's back and they exist to help teenagers survive in our culture. Cell phones provide ongoing and immediate connection to this cluster, a phenomon I have labeled Floating Entourage. Have you ever asked a teen to turn their phone off and they protest because their friends might need them? That is an example of a Floating Entourage and disconnecting them from that is a threat to their support structure. Hyper-texters are a great example of this.

What these teens are lacking is paternal (father) experiences in their life. Characteristics of this type of support will include trust, communication and closeness as perceived by the teen. No one can replace a father in the home, but everyone can begin developing webs of relationships with these at risk students, slowly becoming a part of their Floating Entourage of support. As you interact with teens, keep alert of those who may be hyper-texters, they especially need adults in their life willing to have no other agenda but to be there for the student.

To read the study directly, click here
APHA

Keep loving on the students in your life,
Brad

Why Teens Exchanging 60 Texts A Day Feels Low

Lead researcher Amanda Lenhart and the Pew Internet team released new statistics March 19 on teenage texting rates, putting the median texts sent and received by teenagers at 60. The number has caused some people who work with youth to question that. If you are one of those people and are thinking a typical high school student could not possibly be exchanging only 60 texts a day, well you would be right...sort of.

© Francisco Hernández Vega | Dreamstime.com

For those of us who took a mandatory stats class a long time ago, perhaps in what seems like a galaxy far, far away, it is good to be reminded that median does not equal average. Median means the mid-point user of the sample group, and the researchers take the time to try and explain this. In this case, half of the surveyed teens exchanged less than 60 texts, the other half exchanged more. The data group creates a statistical skew however as the surveyed teens include 12 year old boys and 17 year old girls, developmentally two very different beasts.

Only in the last few years have researchers been making an appeal to avoid treating adolescents as one monolithic culture when it comes to Internet use. The Pew Internet research is one of the few that provide us with a snapshot of how early and mid adolescents differ in their texting use. In this regard the difference between the two groups is quite striking, and so is the difference between boys and girls.

The research suggests that half of younger teen boys exchange less than 20 texts per day (the other half would therefore send more). In contrast, half of the 14-17 year old girls exchange less than 100 texts per day (the other would be above that number). For boys in the older age group, the half is split at 50 texts per day - which is half the amount of girls in their own age group, yet more than the younger girls who are split at 35 daily exchanged texts. This fits our often preconceived notion that girls are sending a lot of texts to each other, and in fact they are.

The actual average number of texts exchanged daily between girls aged 14-17 is 187. For boys of the same age group it is 176. For 12-13 year old girls the average is 116, while in a surprise stereotype reversal, for boys in that age group the average lands at 131. Why are the averages so much higher than the median? Because hyper-texters are skewing the results upward.

The American Public Health Association defines hyper-texters as those who send more than 120 texts per day. The APHA study places hyper-texters at 19.5% of high school students and suggests that group is mostly female. In Lenhart's study, once a 12-17 year old breaks the 100  exchanged texts barrier, the majority are exchanging over 200 per day. The number above 200 is 18%, and considering most texts are an exchange, half of that would place the student sending more than 100 texts per day, a number consistent with the APHA's research.

Texting is an ongoing activity and teens can often text without being noticed. However, if we were to allow 7 hours of sleep per night, 6 hours of class time and 2 hours of homework per day, hyper-texting high school students would have to exchange a text every 2 minutes, 15 seconds. With 1 in 5 students texting every other minute, it is little wonder that 60 texts a day feels low.

To look at these numbers more closely, follow these links:
Pew Interent Research Study
APHA

Let me know what you think, does 60 texts per day seem low to you?